You have your annoying little sister singing her 800th rendition of ‘Silent Night’ that we already watched her do at the school play, was it not enough? Then your cousin rocks up with his new super soaker which is always the latest and way cooler than the one you have. What’s a kid to do? Ah yes of course, presents, it’s clobbering time!

But wait, grown ups are in charge of the presents. And grown ups get things wrong… so, so wrong.

1. Getting clothes

The feeling of Auntie Jean giving you a wrapped gift and squeezing it and feeling it was soft. Oh look, a jumper, because I’m really taking interest in the latest fashion trends at the age of 7, Auntie Jean!

Bloody Auntie Jean.

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2. Opening a card with no money inside

An envelope. With just a card in it? Well, you messed up Granddad. You really messed up.

3. Your sibling getting the present you wanted

You copped on to where the presents were hidden ions ago and never told a soul. One year you spot your ideal present and try to keep your cool on Christmas morning – only to see your sister unwrap it. WHAT.

4. Practical gifts

It’s what do you ‘want’ for Christmas. Not ‘need.’

5.  Vouchers

1. No, I do not want AED 50 for [insert shop here]. Where even is that?

2. I am a child, vouchers mean nothing to me.

6. The gift you would have loved last year

Oh look, the Baby Born doll circa 500 years ago, MUM!

7. Off-brand toys

Mega Bloks are to Lego what Trump is to Obama, they do the same job but one clearly does it better.

8. Toys with no batteries

Okay, so I’ll just IMAGINE that my remote control helicopter is flying then? Here’s your cracker, Uncle Sam but I took the toy out, maybe you can imagine the possibilities too?

9. And finally, presents for the whole family

Trivial pursuit? WHAT? BUT THE TAG SAID IT WAS FOR ME.