Yesterday, reports of an Emirati business man who was falsely arrested flooded our social media feeds. The man, who was seeking medical care, was accused by a hotel clerk of pledging himself to a terrorist organisation. According to her, he had two phones and was speaking in Arabic and this was apparently a serious cause for concern. 

Since then, the UAE have advised locals to avoid wearing their national dress when travelling. Although, we understand the reason for this, it saddens us to think that this is what the world has come to. 

In order to highlight the hypocrisy of some (emphasis on the word ‘some’) people around the globe we’ve compiled a list of “tips” Emirati’s should adhere to when travelling. Please bear in mind that, everything below is satirical, sarcastic and doesn’t mean to offend.

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1. Don’t speak Arabic. 

If you don’t speak English try not to speak at all when out in public. Time for some quiet time.

2. Don’t even think about wearing your national dress

Because apparently this is what Isis wear. 

3. Don’t make any sudden movements EVER

Drop something on the floor? Wait 6 seconds before you pick it up and lower yourself slowly to the ground whilst saying “Oh look, I must have dropped my keys”

4. Only use one phone

Because anyone with two phones is a terrorist of course and people would never have a second phone for work or for travelling. NEVER.

5. Never ever wear a back pack. 

If you have to carry luggage, make sure it’s a suitcase.

6. If you have a beard – shave it.

Only terrorists have beards.

7. Where possible, never be by yourself. Travel in groups, with children preferably.

Try to always have kids with you. If you don’t have any children, try to borrow some. People with kids can’t be terrorists.

8. Never keep your phone/ wallet in an inside-jacket pocket

Keep them in your trouser pocket to avoid suspicious movements.