The 19 Stages Of A Dubai Lads’ Night Out In Your Thirties

1. The usual suspects are on the Whatsapp group early in the day

“Out tonight?”

2. The ones with kids and other responsibilities get their excuses in early 

And they’re secretly delighted 

3. While others contemplate if the inevitable hangover is worth it

The ‘thirties hangover.’ A whole different beast to that perfectly manageable twenties version.

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4. There’s the debate over where to go

And inevitably ending up at the usual spot

5. There are those who can’t wait and get the pres in at home

It’s 2 o’clock, that’s basically brunch

6. While the sensible ones make sure they’re getting food into them…

Well that’s why they invented home deliveries, right?

7. Everyone gathers for whatever evening sport is being shown at Barasti

Norwich City v Derby County you say? Well that’s pretty unmissable.

8. Which finishes about half ten so now everyone has to speak to each other

“Sooooo. How’s the new job?”

9. A couple of more drinks and the banter begins in earnest

The harsher the insult the better.

10. Those in relationships send sneaky affectionate texts to their loved ones

*whipping sounds*

11. The deep and meaningful conversations begin

“I just feel like I’m never going to reach my potential, ya know?”

12. Someone always goes home without telling anyone

“Where’s Joe?”

13. While one or two always get ideas about hitting the club 

“Why not?”

14. But you arrive there and realise everyone’s ten years younger than your crew

“When I was 21, it was a very good year…”

15. And the music is so loud that you can’t have a conversation 

Let the impromptu signing begin

16. The collective decision is made to go home

It is 1am, after all.

17. But not before stopping for food 

“Next window please”

18. You won’t see each other for months so saying goodbye is hard

“Look after yourself, chief.”

19. You retire to bed and absolutely exhausted

Never again…