The 19 Stages Of A Dubai Lads’ Night Out In Your Thirties


1. The usual suspects are on the Whatsapp group early in the day

“Out tonight?”

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2. The ones with kids and other responsibilities get their excuses in early 

And they’re secretly delighted 

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3. While others contemplate if the inevitable hangover is worth it

The ‘thirties hangover.’ A whole different beast to that perfectly manageable twenties version.

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4. There’s the debate over where to go

And inevitably ending up at the usual spot

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5. There are those who can’t wait and get the pres in at home

It’s 2 o’clock, that’s basically brunch


6. While the sensible ones make sure they’re getting food into them…

Well that’s why they invented home deliveries, right?

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7. Everyone gathers for whatever evening sport is being shown at Barasti

Norwich City v Derby County you say? Well that’s pretty unmissable.

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8. Which finishes about half ten so now everyone has to speak to each other

“Sooooo. How’s the new job?”


9. A couple of more drinks and the banter begins in earnest

The harsher the insult the better.

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10. Those in relationships send sneaky affectionate texts to their loved ones

*whipping sounds*

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11. The deep and meaningful conversations begin

“I just feel like I’m never going to reach my potential, ya know?”

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12. Someone always goes home without telling anyone

“Where’s Joe?”

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13. While one or two always get ideas about hitting the club 

“Why not?”

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14. But you arrive there and realise everyone’s ten years younger than your crew

“When I was 21, it was a very good year…”

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15. And the music is so loud that you can’t have a conversation 

Let the impromptu signing begin

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16. The collective decision is made to go home

It is 1am, after all.


17. But not before stopping for food 

“Next window please”

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18. You won’t see each other for months so saying goodbye is hard

“Look after yourself, chief.”

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19. You retire to bed and absolutely exhausted

Never again…

Lads 19


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